August 6, 2001    





If you caught your best friend's spouse cheating on him/her, would you tell your friend?

I think I would. I can't really say until I'm put into a position like that.

Shanna, 16
Cardiff  ENGLAND

First, I'd have to be absolutely sure that there wasn't an innocent explanation for what I saw. Then, I'd probably confront the spouse and offer the opportunity for that person to tell my friend first. After that, it might depend on whether I thought my friend would rather know or not.

Jane, 60
West Linn
, OR   USA

Yes! Of course I would, I couldn't live with myself any other way. And if my friend ever found out I had kept something like that from her she would be SO furious and probably wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. At least if I was honest I wouldn't be contributing to the dishonesty of their relationship. Although, I would want to talk to her spouse first because I wouldn't want to make accusations without knowing for sure.

Dianne, 16
Ontario  CANADA

Really depends on the situation. But I would probably talk to the cheating spouse and let them know I know and try to convince them that the best recourse is to come clean and be honest. I could see myself eventually telling the friend. Then again, if it didn't impact me directly I probably wouldn't say anything. All depends on who the people are and what is going on.

Felicia, 35
, MA   USA

No, I wouldn't. I did that once when I was younger, and when my friend and her husband got back together, she stopped speaking to me. Another time I simply agreed with my friend when she said her husband was a rat and when they kissed and madeup, I found that I had lost a friend.

Reba, 51
, MD   USA

Such a tricky situation! I think I would first go to the cheating spouse and offer him/her an opportunity to do the right thing and go to my best friend with a full confession. If this best friend of mine were truly a best friend, I would think they could eventually get beyond the fact that I somehow got trapped between a rock and a hard place and felt I did the only thing I could do in such a situation.

Fisch, 45
, CT   USA

Actually, I would probably expect my friend's spouse to tell her himself.  But...I would tell him that if he didn't tell her, I would. I don't think anyone should be cheated on-you should respect people more than that.

Angela, 16
Bella Vista

That's a tough one. I think if my friend suspected, I'd tell them to follow their instincts. But I guess it would have to come down to individual circumstances.

Janet, 42
E. Brunswick

I hope I would! Although, come to think of it, my best friend is my boyfriend, and he doesn't have a spouse that I know of, and I sure wouldn't cheat on him. But if my best female friend's spouse cheated on her, he'd be in for it. I really doubt that would ever happen, though. I REALLY doubt it.

Karen, 21

"Caught" my best friend's spouse "cheating"? I'm uncomfortable with the entrapment that question suggests. In any case, I don't feel this is a situation that you can make rigid rules about in the abstract.

Jill, 60

yup. unless it was with me, i guess.

A-Dog, 18

Yes, and I've done it before...the girl thought I was just trying to bed her mate.

Melodi, 19
, OH   USA

Yes, I would. I'm sure it would relieve some surprises later on of she new before he knew she did. She needs to be informed ASAP.

Stephanie, 25


Alice, 21
Winchester  UK

I think I would confront the spouse first. Most people know, somewhere in their heart, that they're being cheated on, and if they haven't confronted it themselves, it may be because they aren't ready to deal with it. On the other hand, who's to say that there is cheating going on? I personally am in an open, polyamorous relationship, so it is quite possible for a friend, coworker or acquaintance to see my significant other out with someone else.

Sapphire, 31
Ft. Lauderdale

I would talk to the spouse and find out what the story was. Then I'd urge him to talk to his wife and let him know that I'd tell his wife if he didn't. I'd bide my time if I heard nothing from my friend after a few weeks, I think I'd tell her.

Laura, 36
, MA   USA

To quote the most electrifying man in Sports Entertainment, The Rock, I would simply know my role, and shut my mouth.

age unknown, parts unknown

You're damned right I would. Or maybe it would be more like dragging the spouse to him/her by the ear and making them at least break up, if not tell them why.

Firelady, 23
, TX   USA

Hell yes. If I didn,t i wouldnt be a real friend.

Talia, 23
, CT   USA

Definitely. If my man was cheating on me and my friend knew, I would want them to tell me. I think I would deserve to know, so that I would be able to decide what I wanted to do about it. And I would want my best friend to have that same oppurtunity.

Dianne, 16
Ontario  CANADA

Hard to tell now. That's an answer I could only make when the time actually came.

Tracy, 24
Ocean City

Well, that depends on whether or not they had an open relationship, but knowing me, I'd mention it either way.

Eric, 19
Beverly Hills

Well, I should think that if my best friend were married I would tell her--as it is now, she's just involved in a real loose, open relationship where both her and him have other dating partners. If she were married, though, I would try to tell her only after I was ABSOLUTELY certain and knew I wasn't just jumping to conclusions.

Johanna, 18

Of course I would tell my friend because friends always need to be honest with each other. I probably wouldnt tell her if I didn't know her very well but if she was my best friend I would.

Heather, 15

Right now my best friend is a guy who I have the biggest crush on. And we would be together if it wasn't for distance. and for the fact he currently has a girlfriend. Like I always tell him he deserves the best, and she better give it to him. So if she cheated on him...Yes I would tell him. Not for personal gain, but because he doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

Anjel, 20

Most definitely. I tell her everything. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't keep it from her, because we live together. Fortunately she seems to have a much better track record with finding worthwhile men than I do, so it probably will never come up.

K. Lampe, 20

Of course! Wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you?

Lisa J., 22

Yesterday / Tomorrow