August 17, 2000    
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What would you do if your mate slept with another?

Be furious. If it were a one-night stand, seek counseling. If it turned out to be an ongoing affair, find a lawyer.

Jane, 60
West Linn
, OR

That is a real tough question. One I do not contemplate about, because trust is the #1 factor in a marriage, and without trust you have no relationship.

However, there would definitely be hurt feelings and anger. I would have to find out why she had slept with another person. There are many factors that could cause her to lose her mind for a moment. I would hate to throw our whole relationship away that we have built together up to this point, just for some stupid ass mistake. I really don't know how I would react, until the situation confronted me.

Kevin, 33
Sugar Hill
, GA

The situations indicates there are obviously serious problems in the relationship. Whether or not those problems could be addressed and remedied would determine the final outcome.

Felicia, 34
Somerville
, MA

I'd kill them both, then hijack a bus to bermuda.

Socrates One
Lowell, MA

Leave her and act like an asshole. Maybe have angry beard grabbing sex with her dad. That is a warning, huffalump.

Anthony, 25
Baton Rouge
, LA

I would probably have a cow.

Ernest, 29
Washington
, DC

This wouldn't happen, but if it did....I would be VERY angry, sad, disappointed, etc. However, if we could work through it all, I think I would give him another chance.

Tracy, 24
Ocean City
, NJ

What mate?

Karen, 20
Marshelltown/Ames
, IA

I'd cry a lot, probably throw a temper tantrum and then get on with the business of fixing the problems that led to infidelity.

Laura, 35
Lowell
, MA

I would think about the situation; ask questions and then take appropriate action.

Jill, 59
Saylorsburg
, PA

Oddly enough that subject comes up a lot and my answer is always that there are too many variables to allow for a concrete answer.

Alias Irrelevante

I don't know as it hasn't happened to me yet (although I hope that it never will, obviously) so I'd probably wait until it did happened to me before saying anything. I can't imagine that I'd be best pleased though.

Shanna, 15
Cardiff ENGLAND

In general, I would move her out of my life, and try to focus on other things that make me happy. I would probably be too clingy with my friends and family for a while.  In specific, I might handle it violently if I were to walk in on it, but not so violently if it was admitted to me. In bad situations, I can usually retain control and say what I think and want.

Jesse, 24
Bowie
, MD

I would be very disapointed at him and leave him that day! I don't think and person who can do semething like that deserves to continue a realtionship w/the one who was cheated on. A persin who cheats is very selfish and low and needs some balls (excuse the french) thats it- down with cheaters!!

Stephanie

I think it would be the end of our relationship as it would be adultery. I would never be able to forget it. I could forgive though. But it would be the end of our relationship for sure.

Marci, 55
Diamond
, OH

I would be so very broken. I would pack my bags or his and leave. There would be no good excuse, no room for understanding or forgiveness. I love him too much; he loves me too much. We are married. I have faith that it would never happen. If it did, all I ever believed would be lost.

Megan, 24
Chicago
, IL

I would be so very broken. I would pack my bags or his and leave.  There would be no good excuse, no room for understanding or forgiveness. I love him too much; he loves me too much. We are married. I have faith that it would never happen. If it did, all I ever believed would be lost.

Tina, 31
Medford
, MA

Actually that happened to me once with a past lover - but now that I am married I know that we are committed to eachother. I think that if my husband ever slept with another, then he doesn't really want to be with me any more and he has made his choice. I cannot stay with someone who is unfaithful to me - it is the ultimate disrespect and once you lose the trust between the two of you that is something that you can never reclaim - and why would you want to? People who are truly in love will not cheat on another no matter what the situation.

I am not saying once a cheater always a cheater, but I think that if you cheat while in a serious relationship, then you aren't emotionally ready to take on a relationship in the first place. My husband knows about my past relationship and if he were to cheat on me I think he knows that that would emotionally destroy me. At least for awhile. The only reason that my husband would ever cheat on me would be if I cheated first.

Difficult question to answer - that took a lot out of me.

Kate, 19
Bellingham
, WA

Probably be really hurt, but then try and work it out.  Not like, go to counciling or anything, but...I just think we'd work it out together. Of course I could be wrong. I could just go ballistic.

Jaden, 21
Brampton, Ontario  CANADA

dump his ass.

Angela, 16
Aiken
, SC

Discuss it (or not - depending upon circumstances) ... then pretty much pack up and leave at my earliest convenience.

Fisch, 45
Preston
, CT

I would be upset. My heart would break and I would cry. For sure.  After that..., I don't know, because I love him. I know I would not sleep with him again till he had a aids test, and than maybe never again. I can seperate love from sex.

Debbie, 39
Ontario CANADA

If my mate slept with another I would assume that he made a conscience decision not to be with me. I would break up with him and get fucked up for a few weeks straight. We have been together for three years and got engaged three months ago. We have been through the ringer together already and it would shatter me to loose him but I always say what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Chelsea, 24

What would I do if my mate slept with another....? I would scream...and be terribly hurt....but what I would do...would be to take a BIG hard look at my marriage, and what it was lacking. Forgive him....and try a rebuild the trust. We are all human after all.....and to forgive someone we love....even if in the end...we cannot accept and live with it....is what it's all about, isn't it?

Lindy, 42
Austin
, MN

Having actually been in this position I reacted differently than I thought I would've. At one time I would've told him to leave and never darken my door again, I probably would've had words with the other person involved. However in reality I had a heated argument with my husband and he walked out   on me, but I told him that I loved him and was willing to forgive him (but not forget about it) and he came back to me. Anyone can make a mistake once.

As for the girl he slept with - she is my sister-in-law's best friend and I advised her to keep away from me & hubby !

Nikki, 27
Kirkham ENGLAND

I would be very hurt and disappointed. Losing someone's trust is devastating. I guess depending on the circumstances, I would like to keep my marriage together, counseling would be the next step.

Janet, 42
E. Brunswick
, NJ

Discuss it (or not - depending upon circumstances) ... then pretty much pack up and leave at my earliest convenience.

Fisch, 45
Preston
, CT

Let me read Anthony's answer first....Just kidding! Anthony knows where I stand on cheating. Do it once, shame on thee. Do it twice, shame on me. So I don't give people second chances. It's a trust thing. I wouldn't be able to trust my mate after that.

Amy, 23
New Orleans
, LA

I'd most likely leave the mate. . . hopefully the two of us would have had a sufficiently honest and open and sincere relationship that before she slept with anyone else we would have already had the issues/problems that led to her wanting to be with someone else on the table to discuss. . . .By the time she actually slept with someone else it would probably be too late to be at a place in the romantic relationship where I could ever feel comfortable again.

mothmc, 35
Los Angeles
, LA

Leave him faster than he could blink.

Nicole
Elk Grove, CA

Yesterday / Tomorrow